Grief can be lonely and isolating and is often stuffed down, numbed out, or walled off. This is accepted as normal in our North American Culture. We get 3 to 5 days off work, have a funeral to say our goodbyes and go back to work the next week like it never happened. We have gathered and said our goodbyes, told our stories and said our condolences to the family, then it is back to normal life again! Many times, people come to my office a month after the funeral feeling hurt, confused, and disillusioned by the speed our culture expects them to return to their old normal. They feel that they are not grieving properly or in the right way. Many people will never be the same person again and are struggling to figure out who they are now after the loss. They need time and connections to figure out their new normal.
The myth that we need to get on with life and not grieve so deeply needs to change! We have become a nation of feel-gooders. We want the not-so-good feelings and the hard, emotional processes to be unnecessary for us and to go on with feelings of positivity and productivity. However, we cannot shortcut these necessary suffering processes.
You see the funeral service, celebration of life, memorial service, or cremation service at the Columbarium all serve a real purpose. They bring people together in a way that is designed to help each other grieve the losses and say goodbye to our loved ones. They gather us together so we can help each other through the shock and denial that grief brings, and celebrate the love, friendship, and life that the person shared in their unique way with each person gathered there. It is community, accountability, and connection. It can be encouraging to hear how one life so greatly impacted others.
We get to choose. We can let grief isolate us into hopelessness and keep us stuck in our losses or we can connect with others who are suffering and share in the hope that connection brings into our lives. I know how difficult that is, especially when we are hurting. It is exactly the pain and suffering that needs to be shared with others who are going through the journey with us that we need to connect with. They are our lifeline to the hopeless suffering that grief brings. If you step out in faith and connect with others who are grieving, you may be someone else’s lifeline in their suffering.
There are a lot of grief events that support this connection happening at Oliver’s Funeral home from September to the end of December. We hope that our clients, friends, and family can stay connected while doing fun, educational, and community activities. You can find more information at https://www.oliversfuneralhome.com/about/events